Happy Friday!
 

I have long marveled at my friends. They are so awesome - in so many unique and individual ways. Best of all, they put up with me. 

Lately, I've been leaning on my friends a lot. I've been asking for feedback and guidance on my new business, Sonar. I even got the name of my new company from my friend Sonaar Luthra (Sonaar means "golden" in Hindi). 

I'm not always comfortable asking for favors, but I recently asked friends for free tickets to a Bruno Mars show and for an invitation to the White House. 

They hooked me up, and I am so grateful. 

When people do us favors, we can't always immediately return them. But we can do something for someone else while we're waiting for the chance. 

And so I'm asking you if there's anything I can do for you. I don't know if I will be able fulfill your request, but if at all possible, I will! 

So don't be shy. So much has been given to me and I want to pay it forward. You can post below. 

Have a beautiful weekend! 

xoxo

Francesca

Posted
AuthorFrancesca Hogi

Happy Friday!

Have I thanked you lately for reading my newsletter? Thank you! I am so grateful. 

I was excited/honored/grateful to be named 2016 Dating Expert of the Year at the U.S. Dating Awards a couple of weeks ago. I wore a fancy dress, I accepted my award barefoot and I was downright gleeful. It was awesome! 

Thanks for your support! 

xoxo

Francesca

FrancescaHogiDatingExpertOfTheYear
Posted
AuthorFrancesca Hogi

Happy Friday!
 

Sometimes I like when things go wrong. Not hugely, catastrophe-level wrong, but a little bit wrong. 

For example, a few weeks ago I went to Burning Man. I went spontaneously - with only a few days of planning. Not only was my trip thrown together at the last minute, but I wound up camping in an entirely different camp than I had planned. 

If the weather had cooperated, my tent would have been in an OK location. But the weather didn't cooperate, and I had to scramble to figure out how not to get blown away in a dust storm. 

Needless to say, I did not get blown away into the Nevada desert. 

The beauty of having my best laid plans derailed is that I'm forced to be more resourceful. It's a good reminder that I can figure things out and that I can rely on other people sometimes. More people want to support you than you might realize. 

This doesn't mean I court disaster. In fact, I actively try to avoid it! But I do believe that every challenge presents an opportunity to step up and do better. 

Here's to rising to your current challenges, whatever they might be. 

xoxo

Francesca

Posted
AuthorFrancesca Hogi

Happy Friday!

This week I got caught in a rainstorm. It was one of those sideways rain downpours that seemingly comes out of nowhere and chucks buckets.

In uncharacteristic fashion, I had an umbrella on me. I only had an umbrella because I happened to catch a glimpse of a TV earlier that day that warned of possible rain later that day. And I uncharacteristically remembered to grab an umbrella when I went home later on.

When the rain began and people started to sprint, huddle in doorways or just endure the soaking, I was one of the few people I spotted who had an umbrella.

My initial reaction as I put my umbrella up was guilt -- should I offer to walk the grandfather caught with his grandchild in a stroller with no protection? Or the woman next to me at the crosswalk in a dress that would soon be see-through?

I'm embarrassed to say I didn't end up helping anyone. What's worse, my feelings of guilt quickly turned to smug satisfaction. "Well, that's why you check the weather, people!" I thought to myself-- me, the very woman who has been caught in no fewer than half a dozen downpours this year alone.

I got on the subway and caught the eye of another umbrella holder. And we shared this little smile -- the self-righteous smile of two people who had quickly forgotten what it's like to get soaking wet in a downpour.

"Oh god, am I terrible person?" I wondered when I caught myself mid-smugness.

I've since concluded that terrible people probably don't wonder if they're terrible people -- they're too busy being terrible to care.

(I've also concluded I don't think "terrible people" exist -- just really, really damaged ones. But that's a different discussion.)

Chances are, at some point you might also wonder if you are a terrible person. And I want to assure you that you most certainly are not.

I felt a little proud of myself for having an umbrella and I allowed my ego to turn that pride into some feeling of moral superiority.

Terrible? No. Ridiculous? Frequently. And that's a terribly human thing to be. I'm grateful I noticed it and I'll hopefully do better next time.

I wish you a weekend (and a life) full of compassion for yourself and everyone else, in all of our humanity, even the ridiculous bits.

xoxo

Francesca

Posted
AuthorFrancesca Hogi

Happy Friday!

I am interested in success. Success for my clients, success for myself and how others achieve success.

There are a million roads to success in anything, from love to business to fitness to raising children. And of course the very idea of success is subject to vast interpretation.

It's important to define success for yourself. Once you've done that, I've found that you need two things to succeed at anything in life:

Self-awareness and self-compassion.

Without self-awareness, you'll never truly understand what the best path forward is for you. Life is not one-size-fits-all. Knowing who you are is the first step in figuring out how you succeed.

Once you have self-awareness, then the need for self-compassion comes in.

We all mess up. We all make mistakes or procrastinate or say or do the wrong thing. But as long as we can be compassionate towards ourselves we can take responsibility and move forward to do better the next time.

Beating yourself up isn't holding yourself to a high standard. It's actually a cop out. If you tell yourself you suck, that's a great excuse to give up.

If you tell yourself you are going to do better next time, then you're ahead of the game. From that place of self-compassion it's possible to strategize and learn the lessons you need to achieve the success you want.

You get creative when you're compassionate towards yourself. You root for yourself. And let's face it - if you can't root for yourself, you're going to have a hard time achieving anything in life.

Try it - it works for everything from getting in shape to finding a new job to finding love. For reals.

xoxo

Francesca

Posted
AuthorFrancesca Hogi

You've probably seen this quote being circulated on social media a LOT:

"The best way to predict the future is to create it."

It's one of those Steve Jobs-ian type quote cards that people share, presumably to inspire you to become some sort of visionary.

Aspiring to be a visionary feels like a lot of pressure to me, which is probably why that quote never really resonated with me. 

But then I saw the correct Abraham Lincoln quote this week, which reads:

"The best way to predict YOUR future is to create it." 

So, now I get it. Being a visionary for the whole world feels daunting. Being a visionary for my life feels like something I can do. 

Intention is powerful. Having an intention for a project, a season, a trip or a relationship is powerful. Intention setting really can create your future. 

Here's to creating the future! 

xoxo

Posted
AuthorFrancesca Hogi

Happy Friday!

I am a slow learner.

Not about everything, but I've always had some stubborn pockets of complete incomprehension. One of my biggest areas of challenge?

Flirting.

Not to toot my own horn, but I'm a pretty masterful flirt -- now. But it wasn't like that for a looong time. I would look at other women who could flirt with any man they wanted with complete ease. And I would wonder how it was possible.

I assumed that flirting was something that came naturally to you or it didn't. End of story. But then - luckily -  it occurred to me that just maybe I could figure out how to flirt.

It took a while, but I figured it out. And as it turns out, there are lots of women who find the idea of flirting completely intimidating.

For all of the women out there I can't coach 1-on-1, I created a FREE mini-course called How To Flirt Effortlessly (http://francescahogi.zippycourses.com/course/ howtoflirt) .

It tackles flirt phobia and also provides concrete, actionable advice about how to develop your own flirting style. I wish I had this information ten years ago!

If you or someone you know could use some help unleashing her own inner flirt, feel free to pass along this email.

You can sign up for free at any time HERE.

xoxo

Posted
AuthorFrancesca Hogi

Happy Friday!

Tension is not a bad word. We need tension in life because we need balance. If we relaxed too often, nothing would ever get done. We would lose our drive to do anything. Humans wouldn't be around for long without tension.

I know this logically, but I have a tendency to have a more zen approach to life. It has served me well in many cases, but not always.

A few months ago, my mentor Paul Brunson pointed this out to me. "You're too zen" he told me. He went on to explain that while I was great at attracting good things to me, I wasn't as proactive as I should be in making great things happen in my business.

I had to admit, he was right. I wasn't doing everything I could to grow my business. I wasn't going after things so much as I was letting them come to me.

I am all about attracting the good. But nothing attracts the good like action.

You take action and then you relax, with the faith that every action has an opposite and equal reaction, as Newton's 3rd law of physics teaches us. It's a reminder that I need to hear from time to time. And I hope it's useful to you as well.

If there's anything you are wishing and hoping for in your life right now, I challenge you to take one step towards making it happen, no matter how small. Let the tension motivate you to action.

xoxo

Francesca

 

Posted
AuthorFrancesca Hogi