The first thing single people usually say to me when the subject of dating comes up is some version of UGH. It’s probably not your favorite activity, either. And you don’t have to be single to see that the current dating landscape is pretty grim. But! It does not have to be.
Dating culture reflects the romantic attitudes, beliefs, and expectations of society at large, whether we are single or not, actively dating, or not. You are a part of dating culture, and you have the power to change it for the better. Not just for yourself, but for everyone. If not you, then who?
But about those dating challenges… understanding these 4 reasons why dating is hard will help you understand your power, opportunity, and responsibility to transcend them. Perfection is never required, but the more you understand that love is an inside job, the easier you’ll find exactly who you’re looking for.
#1 Dating is hard when you are not good with you.
Your romantic relationships can never and will never be healthier than your internal relationship with yourself. There is zero downside to developing a more loving relationship yourself. If you want true love, understand that the most important factor in making it a reality is learning to truly love yourself.
#2 Dating is hard when you misunderstand your current assignment.
If dating is showing up for you as difficult, get curious about what opportunity this challenge is presenting. Like it or not, you have a love assignment that is unique to you, and your relationship patterns hold the key to identifying it. Learn the lessons hidden in your unwanted patterns so you can graduate and move on to the next level of your love journey.
#3 Dating is hard when you’re convinced you’re inevitably subject to the limits of the collective romantic dysfunction.
Unless you think society is healthy as a whole, you shouldn’t be taking love advice from it. And please do not let it define your romantic possibilities! Everyone can see the dating status quo is dysfunctional. That only changes when enough people (like you!) confront how you are perpetuating what you do not want based on “how it is” and decide to show up differently. Your attitudes and behaviors, including what you accept from others, all have powerful consequences for you.
#4 Dating is hard when you’re more focused on being liked (a.k.a. NOT rejected) than you are on finding someone who you genuinely like and can co-create a healthy relationship with.
You’ve been conditioned your whole life to think being “chosen” is the key to your happiness. The truth is, this mindset discourages authenticity, transparency, and your innate intuitive knowing. As my friend Amari Ice says, “It’s not your job to get someone to like you. It’s your job to see if you like them.”
So the question to ask yourself is: Am I willing to approach my love journey from the inside out? That’s where your power lies to transcend the collective limitations and make true love inevitable. I hope you choose to say yes. You deserve the love you desire, and that’s how you make it your new status quo.
p.s. If you missed True Love Tuesday room on Clubhouse last week, you can listen to the replay of Transcend the Challenges of Modern Dating via THIS link.