I had a very painful at the time, but fortunate experience of once being fixated on a guy who I felt inferior to.
He was so much better looking and cooler than I was, or so I felt at the time. I was so in awe of him, and so wracked with insecurity I could never be myself around him.
I tried my hardest to be a version of me that I thought he might like – it seemed like I’d have a better shot if I could be more “like” him.
Well, he never liked “fake me”. And thankfully, one day I had a moment of clarity: If he did like me, and we actually started dating, then what would I do?? It would be a lot of work to keep up this facade.
And then I felt relieved. The spell lifted, and after months and months of agonizing self-doubt and obsessively thinking about him, I got over him in an instant.
With a clear head, I knew what I really wanted was someone to accept me for who I am – and I knew intuitively this guy was not that person.
I got over him so quickly because what my obsession was really about was protecting myself.
Pining after an unattainable person is angst-producing, but ultimately “safe”. You don’t have to be vulnerable. You don’t have to develop the confidence to open yourself up to date anyone else.
I didn’t know back then that one day I would become a love coach. That idea would have been beyond laughable to me. (Assuming I could have even comprehended what a “love coach” was to begin with.)
I could never have guessed that I’d one day see a version of myself reflected back to me in hundreds of singles that I would encounter and counsel.
A whole lot of personal and professional experience has led me to identify four Love Mindset Archetypes – Avoider, Looper, Surfer and Sailor. Back then I was a classic Avoider.
(If you haven’t already, you can find your Love Mindset Archetype HERE).
It took me a long time to develop the love confidence I needed to take control of my mindset and find love.
While I’m grateful for all of the tough love lessons I’ve learned over the years, I am committed to helping others avoid the same pitfalls. I am committed to doing my small part to help as many people as possible find the loving relationships they’re seeking.
As 2018 draws to a close, I invite you to reflect on your love lessons from this year. There’s always a lesson to found, especially from painful experiences.
Don’t keep blindly doing the same things if you’re not happy with the results. Your love lessons have been hard won and have a lot of value if you’re willing to learn them.
It’s not always easy, but “future you” will thank you for it.
Want free 1-on-1 coaching to help you understand which actions you can take to find love? I have two options for you:
Option 1: Win it! My Holiday Giveaway closes TONIGHT at midnight ET. Enter now!
Option 2: Schedule a complimentary 1-on-1 session with me HERE. There are only a few spots left in 2018! Reserve yours now.
Have a beautiful weekend!