July 31, 2015

DO This To Break Your Negative Dating Patterns


Hi everybody, Francesca here. Today I have some advice for you that might sound a bit counterintuitive, but I want you to bear with me and give it a shot. This advice is going to be especially meaningful to you if you have a really destructive relationship pattern.

We all have patterns and some of them are more healthy than others, so if you really find yourself dating the same kind of person over and over again in a really bad pattern, maybe there’s abuse, there’s infidelity, there’s something that just keeps recurring no matter how you try. And you think, well, this person seems really different, but eventually they reveal themselves to have the exact same behavior as your past relationships, this advice is going to be really important if you’re in that situation, but it’s really good advice for everyone.

We all know the excitement and the passion and the energy that you feel when you meet someone and you’re instantly attracted to them. In dating, we usually are looking for the people we have that chemistry with and if we don’t have that chemistry, you feel like, okay, I don’t want to waste my time with this person.

Today’s advice is to actually give those people a chance. Not if you feel like, “Okay, I would puke if this person kissed me,” but if you feel like, “Eh, I can see this is an attractive person, I just don’t know if I’m attracted to them,” that’s actually a really great opportunity to give that person a chance, see if that attraction grows, but even more importantly, to really start to evaluate how people are showing up for you, what their behavior is, how you are able to connect with them and you don’t have that distraction of that immediate chemistry, which can really cloud your judgment and unfortunately lead you down a path that you might not want to go down, especially if it’s a pattern that’s really reoccurred for you.

Like I said, instant physical attraction is an unreliable indicator of long-term capability and there are things that are really important and fundamental and it’s really different for everyone in terms of what your relationship needs are, but if you’re giving people a chance who you don’t feel that instant chemistry with, you’re going to also give yourself a chance to really see them reveal themselves and whether or not they could be a great partner for you.

That’s today’s advice. Thank you so much for watching and I’ll talk to you soon. Bye!