Even in the “before times”, dating was hard, and could feel impossible when you’re looking for a lasting relationship. Now, for many it feels completely impossible, even if you’re looking for a casual hookup!
But I always believe love is possible. I believed it before I found my partner, and I’ll always believe it.
As a love coach, I’m used to giving people advice tailored to their particular circumstances, confidence level, and relationship experience. Depending on where you are on your love journey, doing what I would do might feel totally scary or foreign to you. I invite you to keep an open mind!
The caveat here is that in addition to being a professional love coach I am an advanced dater. I have a lot of dating experience, virtually no fear of rejection (this is something I actively conquered years ago), a deep belief that love is possible for me (an intentionally cultivated mindset), and a desire to be proactive about my love life.
You might not be willing or ready to take all of the steps that I would take. But that’s OK! Hopefully this will inspire you to adopt one or two of these steps, or to brainstorm an out-of-the-box action step of your own.
If I was single today, these are the 10 things I’d do (simultaneously!) to meet someone special during the covid-19 pandemic, while sheltering in place.
#1 I’d get on a traditional dating site, most likely OKCupid
Apps are great, but the benefit of a site like OKCupid or Match (the two I’ve personally used in the past and recommend) is you have more control over your dating experience. The profiles are more robust, so you have a chance to more fully express who you are and what you’re seeking in a partner. And you have more of an opportunity to learn about your potential matches before contacting them.
Plus, I love the ability to run searches, rather than just responding to whomever the app algorithm opts to show me.
#2 I’d also get on an app, most likely Bumble
My favorite part of app dating has always been that the bar to entry is low. The downside of that is you’ve got lots of non serious people attempting to treat you like a playing card in a deck. But the upside is that you’ve got some great catches who aren’t interested in paying for a traditional site, but are willing to give the apps a try because they’re so easy to set up.
I always advise people not to overwhelm themselves by being on too many platforms at once. Two is the max I recommend at any given time, and that’s the number I’d do.
#3 I’d start Twitter flirting
Fun fact: I met my partner briefly in a chance encounter IRL, but I DM’d him on Twitter to connect afterwards. If I was single right now, I’d be on the lookout for interesting men who were open to interacting with me on Twitter. What’s good about this platform is you can see my political views, some of my hobbies and interests, who I follow… All of that is information that will weed out some men and draw in others, which is exactly the point!
Once I gathered enough intel, I wouldn’t hesitate to slide into a DM or two to see where it might go.
#4 I’d turn my video on
When I join public Zooms, like a virtual class or talk, I usually have my video off. But if I was single? I’d make sure I had great lighting, and I’d maybe throw on something other than a sports bra (my standard attire these days). And I’d probably wear a bit of mascara and lip gloss, and then let fate step in!
#5 I’d join FB groups of interest
I don’t spend much time on Facebook these days, but if I was single, I’d be scoping out groups that correlate to my interests. And like those commercials say — there’s a group for everything. Plants, travel, race, religion, types of exercise, fandom, food… everything. Once in the group, I’d be very friendly and check out the profiles of anyone who looked interesting.
And if I didn’t find a group that spoke to me, I’d start my own!
#6 I’d tell my friends I’m open to introductions
Do your friends know you’re serious about meeting new people? I’d tell everyone in my life that I didn’t want my love life derailed by the pandemic (like everything else has been)! The key to asking for introductions is not to have a list of demands/criteria. I’d be open and trust that my friends will introduce me to people I’d have something in common with.
I wouldn’t meet for a face-to-face date yet, but I’d be happy to have a video chat and see what comes!
#7 I’d flirt in IG Live comments
I’d be on allllll the IG Lives, and I wouldn’t be shy about tagging and reacting to someone in the comments. You think DJ D-Nice deserves 5 fire emojis? You just might get a wink from me in agreement!
I define the foundation of flirting as any attempt to make another person feel seen, special, and appreciated. I used to be terrified of flirting, but now I am shameless. Absolutely shameless. If you don’t believe me, see # 3 above. I’m with my partner because I slid into his DM’s!
#8 I’d organize socially distanced outdoor gatherings with friends
Covid-19 has absolutely made social gatherings extremely challenging. And for the most part, I’ve accepted that spending time with anyone who’s not my boyfriend isn’t ideal right not.
But if I was single, I’d be really motivated to creatively figure out new ways to gather while staying safe. Picnics, backyard/sidewalk cocktail parties, socially distanced outdoor movies or performances… I’d seek them out and I’d organize them myself if I had to!
Not only might a friend invite someone who could catch my eye, but when you’re out being social with friends it makes it much easier to talk to strangers!
#9 I’d blog/podcast/post on social about being single
I had a dating advice blog years ago, part of which chronicled my own search for love. As a podcaster who regularly shares about my personal life, I would absolutely use these platforms to speak about what I was looking for in a partner and my openness to meeting him in whatever way the universe deems fit.
#10 I’d practice my eye contact everywhere I went
I truly believe that every time you leave the house you have the potential to meet someone special. Even at the supermarket, or the dog park, or a gas station, or in my case Ñ the corner of Sunset Boulevard and Doheny. Now more than ever, to make that a real possibility, eye contact is everything!
In the before times, I trained myself to get really good at eye contact, but admittedly I was used to using my smile as a crutch. If I was single today, I’d be challenging myself to become a master smizer behind my mask. My goal would be to get so good at smizing that I make other people smize!
OK, so to put on my coach hat to wrap things up here Ñ notice that I would do all of these at the same time. I wouldn’t count on one avenue to be the only way I’m willing to put myself out there. Love is too important to slap together a dating profile and call yourself fully open to love happening.
Since you’ve read this far, I take it that you’re motivated to find love for yourself. I know that’s absolutely possible for you, and that you deserve it! So whatever you do, don’t give up on love. Be bold and unapologetic in your pursuit of it!
Stay safe, take good care of yourself, and happy dating!
xo
Francesca
p.s. If you want to learn more about coaching, I invite you to book your free session with me!