Yesterday I introduced the concept of the Vortex of Romantic Struggle (the V.O.R.S.). It’s an energetic forcefield that invisibly dictates and strengthens your identity as someone who struggles with love. As promised, today I’m going to share the 4 steps I’ve discovered to break free from the V.O.R.S.
If you don’t resonate with a feeling of romantic struggle, then love should be flowing easily into your life, and your thoughts and feelings about romance will reflect that ease and abundance. If that’s you, great news–you don’t have a V.O.R.S.!
(As an aside, money struggle, love (not necessarily romantic) struggle, and health struggle are some other powerful vortexes that can commonly form. The same formula applies to all.)
#1 Recognize how the V.O.R.S. works in your life.
The easiest way to do this is by paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, and triggers. When do you find yourself feeling or thinking negatively about love? What are the most common thoughts you have about your current romantic circumstances? What are your most stubborn unwanted dating and relationship patterns?
Your romantic vibration is tied to your identity, ego, and belief system. The problem is–some of the things you believe about love are contrary to what you actually want to be true. Once you identify with an unwanted belief, you powerfully manifest the energy of that belief.
To break free of it, you have to bring these energy patterns into the light. You do this by looking at them and acknowledging that you are the common denominator in your pattern. It’s not your fault–you didn’t consciously choose it. But it is your responsibility to choose differently now if you want to transform your romantic reality.
#2 Stop judging and release your sense of certainty about your judgments.
If you take one thing away. from this email, I pray it’s this: the V.O.R.S. LOVES JUDGMENT. It is the gas that powers its engine, and it is the force that created the V.O.R.S. in the first place.
Yesterday I gave you a “heartwork” assignment to notice how often you engage in judgmental thinking. Judgment is a mindset, and it costs you the ability to be a powerful conduit of romantic love. Why? Because ALL judgments are inherently false. They are false because you, like all humans, are privy to only a tiny sliver of reality. Judgment assumes your conclusion is based on correct information, perspective, and objectivity. We are not even all-knowing about ourselves–how much have you struggled to understand why you do, feel, or think certain things?
All levels of judgment–from judging yourself, to judging another person, to judging situations and circumstances are habit-forming. And our certainty about these judgments seals our energetic fate (until we release them). Judgments are false, and therefore they create false realities. For example:
Judgment: No one wants a committed relationship.
False reality: In my reality, no one wants a committed relationship.
Certainty about reality: No one wants a committed relationship with me.
V.O.R.S.: OK, I will create a custom-tailored energetic vibration just for you to maintain your reality.
Shifting from a judgment mindset to one of possibility, compassion, acceptance, gratitude, and LOVE is how you interrupt judgment’s hold over you. It is a practice, and one that will change your life if you let it.
#3 Choose Liberation Over Victimization
The V.O.R.S. needs a victim story in order to thrive. In the above example, a disempowered, victim identity is formed as a result of the judgment. In short, it’s a version of: I can’t have the love I want and that’s so unfair. That identity can not live without the story of “no one wants a committed relationship with me” plus all of the “evidence” you will subconsciously accumulate to support that story.
If you want to validate an old story more than you want to liberate yourself from it, escaping the V.O.R.S. will be difficult, if not impossible. Releasing your previous judgments might not happen overnight. But the great news is–every time you challenge the power of the old story, the weaker the V.O.R.S. becomes. Over time, the old story will fall away and you’ll be free from it forever!
#4 Create Your New Romantic Identity
What is the romantic reality you want to experience? What is the identity of the person who has that reality? For instance, if you want to have a healthy, loving marriage, you must have a romantic vibration compatible with that reality. I can’t have the love that I want is completely at odds with this reality. Even if you do get married, you’ll have the same reality, only this time with a spouse. I will have the love that I want is an identity more closely aligned with your desired reality. Any resistance you feel to claiming that identity right now, despite your current circumstances, is the V.O.R.S. in operation.
Choosing and setting an intention to inhabit the romantic identity you want (no matter how far away it feels at this moment) is a powerful practice that will shift your romantic vibration quickly and powerfully. The love you want is possible for you. And I’m so excited for you to discover it for yourself!