A hands-on exercise to uncover your individual love barriers
If you’re single and you don’t want to be, you have one job – to clear the obstacles standing between you and the true love you desire. That might sound easier said than done, but the process is actually very straightforward.
You know now how your mindset creates your love reality. Your thoughts dictate your mindset (and therefore are the root of your current single status), which determines your actions, emotional state, self-confidence – all of it. Want new actions and new results? You need new thoughts.
This is an exercise to help you begin this “new thought” process. I recommend giving yourself at least 30 minutes to complete it, in an environment that is conducive to self-reflection and writing.
#1 Write down the 5 most common thoughts you have about love.
(Really handwrite or type these – this works better than just thinking in your head.)
Think of yourself and think of who you want to attract – if it’s men, what are the 5 most common thoughts you have about yourself in relation to men?
#2 Once you’ve written 5 (keep writing if more come to mind), take a look at your list and see which ones resonate most – the ones that feel like you’ve probably thought that very thought or said it out loud a million times.
Recognize the difference between the occasional, “outlier” thoughts and focus on the ones that resonate most deeply on an emotional level. Since your thoughts reflect your beliefs, what do your thoughts say about your love beliefs?
#3 Look at the thoughts that most resonate with you on an emotional level.
Are they mostly focused on you (e.g. “No one is attracted to me”) or focused on others (e.g. “People aren’t serious about relationships anymore”, “All men are liars”)
#4 Taking your externally focused thoughts, how could you rewrite them to be about you?
Even if you think it’s all about others, the truth is they’re really about you. Everything in your mind is!
Example: “All the good ones are taken” becomes “I don’t believe I can end up with someone I’m excited to be with” or “I’m afraid I’ve missed my chance at love.”
#5 Now that you have your 2-3 most powerful thoughts, it’s time to start to re-writing them.
For each of your remaining thoughts, write down an alternative, positive one. If all you can manage today is to consider the possibility that your negative thoughts are false, that’s a step in the right direction!
Old love-blocking thought: No one is attracted to me.
New love-attracting thought: I choose to believe the right person will find me irresistible.
I am open to the possibility that my old beliefs about my attractiveness are wrong.
#6 Create a new habit of observing your old negative thoughts when they pop up, and choosing to replace them with your new, love-attracting ones.
Self compassion is key here.
[Old, love-blocking thought pops up]
You: There’s that old B.S. thought again. I choose to believe that old belief is wrong, and that [insert your new, love-attracting thought] is the truth.
If you do this often enough, you’ll start to notice the old thoughts begin to lose their power over you. Stick with it, and you will notice your perspective and actions will start to shift as your beliefs transform.
The love magnet version of you will emerge more and more fully!
I invite you to book a complimentary Dating Strategy Session with me. The 1-on-1 coaching I provide in these sessions has been enough for some people to change their lives and find love!